The Answers to Parents

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All in one place for the first time, parents can find answers to the many questions that come up all through a childhood.

 

 

The Answers to Parents Most Common Questions

 

Now she needs me, now she doesn’t. What’s going on?


Parents are puzzled when their toddler shifts from being dependent to being independent and back again. Why, for example, would she suddenly dart away from her mother and then just as suddenly come running back to check that she’s still there?

Such on and off behavior comes from the child’s mixed feelings about her place in the world. When she first learns to walk, she develops a sense of independence and joy. She’s delighted with her new-found skill and control, feeling that the world is at her command. Soon after exercising her new independence, however (sometime between seventeen months and two years), her perceptions of her place in the world change and she feels quite small and vulnerable. It’s her joy in exploration combined with her feelings of inadequacy that lead her to run off and run back.

Typical of a child at this stage is an eighteen-month-old girl waiting in line with her mother at the post office. She wiggles away and goes to look at a chain hanging across a doorway. As soon as she reaches the chain she says, “Mommy, Mommy,” and runs to get picked up. After a few seconds, she gets back down, runs and touches the chain, and then runs back to her mother. She repeats this cycle as long as she and her mother wait in line.

This developmental phase of emotional dependence-independence, which is a normal part of growth, can last until the child is two and one-half to three years old. Different children show different degrees of dependence. Some aren’t comfortable exploring their surroundings on their own and may cling to their parents. Most children need more reassurance when they’re out of their secure and comfortable homes.

During this stage, your child may be especially sensitive to your responses and easily upset when you disapprove of her behavior, just as she’s pleased when you approve. Over time, as she gains more experience, a change will occur and she’ll be able to play, explore, and move about without coming to you for repeated reassurance. Until then, try to accept her behavior, smile and wave when she goes off a bit on her own, and give her the emotional support she needs to feel secure about her world.

 

 

 

 

 

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