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All young children, even
those under a year old, love to be around other children. When
children one and one-half years old and younger play together, they
usually get along well. They play side-by-side, independently
engaged but enjoying each other’s company, and there are few
arguments over sharing. Occasional disagreements pass quickly
because these young children can be distracted easily.
By the time children are two or three years old, however, playtime
is full of arguments for playmates of the same age. They struggle
with each other over possessions, sharing, and autonomy, and
constantly shout, “That’s mine!” A parent often has a difficult time
watching children this age play together. They don’t pay attention
to each other’s needs and don’t give in without fighting. When
children turn four, they do get along better, although there’s often
a streak of competitiveness as each tries to exert power.
Play is generally much smoother when children of mixed ages play
together. A group made up of two- to five-year-olds will struggle
less because each child is at a different developmental stage with
different needs. A younger child will watch and imitate an older
one, asking for help with games and tasks and getting information.
An older child, who is less possessive, will give in to the younger
ones, offering help and leading games.
Although parents are usually comfortable when their young child
plays with an older friend, they’re not as sure when their older
child plays with a younger one. Parents may feel that he will be
bored with younger children or will be brought down to their level.
But a five- year-old playing with three-year-olds will stimulate
him, depending on the activities he’s involved in. He’ll play
elaborate games with the simple toys available, lead a complex game,
or create his own arts and crafts projects. He might enjoy the
chance to play again with toys he’s outgrown. And he may feel good
playing around younger children because he can be helpful and
knowledgeable and direct his friends’ play: “Let’s put the blocks
here and build a castle.” “The puzzle piece goes there.” “Do you
want to hold my hamster? Be gentle, he has fragile bones.” His own
confidence will be boosted when he can teach and lead.
Sometimes there are problems with mixed age groups. An older child
may engage in elaborate play that the younger one doesn’t
understand, and both children may become frustrated. And some older
children may feel compelled to boss, a younger child, knocking over
his buildings and grabbing toys. When such children (who are often
re-enacting what happens to them when they play with an older
sibling or friend) sense they are bigger than the children they’re
playing with, they try to exert power Parental supervision is needed
in such situations to keep the play between younger and older
children peaceful.
When you arrange playtime for your young child, encourage him to
choose playmates that seem right for him. At times you may find it
works best when he plays with children his own age; at other times
you will want him to practice relating to and accepting children of
different ages. After all, in the family, in the neighborhood, and
out in public, he will be involved with people of all ages. What is
more important than the ages of playmates is how well the children
get along. |
